Friday, April 15, 2011

Lawsuit? Match.Com Owes California Woman Nothing

This story that broke today hits close to home. As promised in a previous post, you get a review how I met my husband on If you are interested in my online dating story that led to a healthy relationship & happy marriage see below. But first my opinion:

I strongly do not believe should be held liable in a civil suit to take responsibility for an assault the woman tragically faced. I think many of us watching the story unfold are very saddened that she had to experience this. However, that does not mean its someone else's fault such as the company The gentleman that assaulted her is responsible and will reach his day in court to be prosecuted. If I meet a guy in church, college, or at a restaurant/bar and he assaults me it is not the institution of church, university or eating establishment's fault because they allowed him in. All of us who choose to date have a responsibility to know who we allow in our presence. From the news reports, allegedly after the assault the woman Googled him to then find out his criminal history. I do understand that many people feel that any dating agency has an underlying "responsibility" to its members but we are adults and must discern the people we date. What is reasonable is for to take the next steps in their business to implement processes/screenings to decrease the potential liability that could be determined in a court of law. 

I chose to date on for the "peace of mind" they provided: RelyID. RelyID is where members have the option to chose whether to link their profile to a third party site to "prove" identity which is similar to answering a few questions from your credit report. Members who chose this have their profile flagged as screened through RelyID. As a online dater I knew that did not exclude sexual predators, married men, or even he/she men from being on the site. It was ultimately my responsibility to perform my own screening on anyone I decided to date/meet from the site.

My On Line Dating Story
It was winter 2008 and I was a single woman finishing up 4 year career stint in Omaha, NE. I decided to return from an almost year long hiatus from relationships. My thoughts were dating online would force me to really get to know the person as opposed to rushing into something.  I filled out my profile and to my amazement learned about myself through their scenario based questions. A few weeks went by receiving matches, viewing profiles, closing out matches, getting closed out. Then one day I got a profile link from a gentleman that intrigued me. We began chatting through the 'secured' website. E-harmony has conversation starters and questions you can send back and forth to your match. Then we moved to emailing back and forth from our personal email addresses for about 2 weeks. After the conversations kept getting more interesting, we decided to speak on the phone. We opted out of E-harmony's optional secure phone line and used our cell phones. Then the phone conversations continued for 2 months. This "getting to know" period of time included adding each other on Facebook as it allows you to see you are talking to a real person & can validate the things they are saying about their life. We talked everyday about just about everything for the first 2 months.

Then during my drive to move from Omaha to Atlanta we had to go through a suburb of Nashville where my husband is from.  So with my "protection" BKA dad in tow I stopped at a McDonald's to meet my online date for the first time. We had a modest breakfast for about an hour. My father thought I was meeting an old friend. He later said that it seemed like we had known each other for a while. We go back on the road got to Atlanta and within a few days my husband was asking me to be his girlfriend. We had gotten to know each other so well it was just seeing each other in the physical made it know this is it. I now have a profound appreciation for the art of Compatibility.

I am well aware all online dating stories do not result in healthy relationships that lead to marriage. What I want you to remember from my story is TALK to, COMMUNICATE with & INVESTIGATE anyone you are dating.


  1. Online dating is no more dangerous than going to the grocery store, club or an event and meeting a stranger who you start going out with. Either way you have no idea who the person truly is. I agree that with some great communication and a investigating you can get a clue as to if the person is really who they say they are.

    I certainly recommend background checks for couples now days, especially with all the husbands killing their wives and vice versa. It's well worth the investment to hire a private investigator before you say 'I Do.'

  2. I believe that the new ways of dating online have given news and people more ways to connect. The issue is when you believe that technology (dating websites, facebook, etc) will be the your knight in shining armor to protect you and your information.

    People must wake up and realize that technology is a tool and not your homeboy.

  3. I totally agree with your post and the comments above. I met my soon to be husband on a dating site and he too was long distance. Not only do you have to rely on the screening of the website but you have to be able to screen yourself and look out for the clues that this person could really not be who they say they are. In my situation, we were just pen pals for about 2 years before we decided to date. But trust me he was filtered out of many, many other prospects who didn't pass my personal screening... Thanks for this post. If you have a chance check out my blog at